Oh baby, baby: Things no one tells you about newborns

As if suddenly holding your own baby in your arms wouldn’t be mind-blowing enough for parents, nature thought it would be really funny to throw in a couple of additional awesome stunts. You will find a lot on the internet with regards to surprising baby facts, like that you will still look pregnant for a while or about baby’s first poop (don’t google unless you are pregnant). So since that’s all covered, I listed the things that no one really tells you prior, but that everyone you will tell about after any of the things listed below will happen as in “Ah, yeah right, ours did that too” like a Monday-night-quarterback. So may this blog post be like a pre-game prep.

  1. Sneezing: Babies sneeze. A lot that is. Your initial reaction being: “OMG my baby’s got a cold.” No, it doesn’t. Babies have to sneeze regularly to humidify their nostrils. Being German I came to the only logical conclusion “This baby of mine needs to be dressed waaaay warmer” (see point 3 on this list), while her dad insisted that she is just fine and there is nothing to worry. Turns out she was indeed fine and that sneezing is just part of this whole baby package. After all sneezing is also just really cute if done by a tiny bundle of joy.
  2. Baby girl’s first period: Female babies can actually get their period in the first couple of days and it’s totally normal. They told us about it in the hospital during the first initial check-up right after birth, but my overwhelmed brain didn’t process that info, so I had a mini meltdown when I spotted blood in the diaper. Luckily my partner paid enough attention, so he solved that mystery quickly. Still it was something I never knew about. The reason for the period is (as so often when it comes to pregnancy related things) the hormones your little girl was exposed to while being a womby (a womb inhabitant that is).
  3. Babys are more robust than you think: Chances are they feel a lot less cold than you think and you might overdress them in the beginning. Chances are also that you will experience a lot of anxiety when it comes to going out with your baby for a stroller walk or to a café due to fearing overstimulation. However chances are also that you worry too much and it’s gonna be just fine. Unless a place is really too noisy or too crowded with potentially ill people (like during cold seasons), it actually does your baby a lot of good to go out. However the general advice you will receive, is to exert caution. If you feel like going out for a walk, do so by all means. There is no rule of thumb. You don’t have to keep the baby indoors for a magical 2 weeks or a month, unless it makes YOU feel more comfortable to do so. That being said, babies often face a few circulation challenges while their system gets up to speed, causing them to have cold feet and hands. As long as the rest of your baby’s body is warm and pink and they are not severely underdressed (aka no socks despite the fact that it’s winter), you are on the safe side. There is the saying to always dress your baby with one more layer than yourself. While that might be sensible in winter, it might be overheating the baby when it’s a hot summer day. So make common sense your guideline.
  4. The fussy hours: A lot of newborns go through the daily routine of fussy hours for a couple of weeks until it randomly stops again. Like clockwork your baby will start screaming and crying around the same time and not stop for what feels like a couple of hours, usually in the evening hours. No, they are not in severe pain, no, you didn’t do anything wrong. They are just coping with their day and the fact that really everything is new and crazy. A baby is on a gigantic psychedelic trip, since everything is a first. At this point everyone will point out a list of suuuper helpful tips on how to cope with that and help your baby calm down, often initiated with “This always worked with you ours. Without failure.”. Chances are that it didn’t ALWAYS work. Chances are as well that some trick works one day and completely fails the other. So after having done the general check- up round of feeding, diaper and simply holding your baby to soothe it, you can try additional things like swaddlin, tummy massages or this mindblowingly effective manoever. But there will be days when none of this works and all you can do is simply hold your baby, let it feel your heart beat and let the crying rain over you like a thunder storm that you simply have to endure. This too shall pass. Try to keep your cool and also as a couple, try to not get frustrated with each other. None of you has done anything to cause it.
  5. Every baby is different: Well maybe that is not suuuch a big revelation in theory, but in practice it is hard to hold back from comparing your babies development to others. Truth be told, even the most reasonable people can suddently become competitive when it comes to their offspring. While there is a general guideline when your baby should be able to do X or Y, it really is just that: a general guideline. Everyone develops in their own pace. So yes, there might be babies that hold up their head up really early and others that seem to take unusually long to respond to dangling objects and that’s all fine. Don’t worry. At the end of the day each baby will turn into a normally functioning grown-up, it’s just they each do it in their own unique timeline. So I can only strongly encourage to do yourself a favor and don’t compare too much – neither with checklists, nor with other babies. If anything is off the norm, your doctor will tell you. Just because someone says it’s like this and that, doesn’t make it any more true for your baby. You and only you will know YOUR baby best.
  6. Letting others hold your baby: Some moms experience severe anxiety when someone else holds their baby – and yes, that can include her own partner. Others are completely at ease with others holding the mini-me, even for a longer time period. Both is completely normal. You carried your baby in you for 40 weeks, so being separated can hurt emotionally, even if your baby is just in someone else’s arms and a mere 3 feet away. At the same time, don’t think there is anything wrong with your mommy instinct or love and affection for your baby if you don’t mind someone else holding him or her. The thing is: you cannot possibly know what type you will be before actually being in the situation and this can come as a surprise to you. The toughest woman who thought she lacks motherly instincts can turn into an envious hyena when the baby giggles with joy while grandma cuddles her/him. Others might think they would be such a mommy lion who will want to keep the baby for just themselves and find themselves surprised at how easy they find it to give their munchkin to a babysitter. Unless you shield your baby away from everyone when they’ve got several month on their belt or if you randomly hand your baby to strangers on the street, chances are you are completely within the norm and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
  7. Baby acne: Your baby might get a few pimples in the first couple of weeks. This doesn’t mean there is lack of hygiene in your household (unless we are talking about severe rashes appearing on their face) and it’s simply the results of hormones (yip, here they are again) working in your baby and the fact that there is always a degree of pollution and debris in the air.
  8. Baby eyes – discharge and tears: Some babies have a cream colored discharge out of the tear dugs of their eyes. In fact, sometimes there can be quite a lot flowing out. Unless their eyes are flaming red and swollen or your baby has a fever, this is all quite normal and nothing to worry about. Most of the times it’s harmless mucus. When in doubt, ask your doctor or your midwife. Most of the time all you can do is simply take a clean dry pad, soak it in warm water and wipe it off. Do NOT use black tea or chamomile tea, even though it’s often recommended, because the tiny cut leaf residue might actually irritate the eyes. Sometimes this discharge process can however open another challenging route to travel: baby tears. Nothing rips you apart internally quite like tears flowing down your baby’s cute face.
  9. Baby weight: In the first couple of days your baby will lose weight, because even if you breastfeed them within the regular recommended cycles, it most likely will take a couple of days for the regular breast milk to shoot in (even if your breasts might already feel like it did). So while your baby might get only a few milliliters out on every feeding session and might sometimes feel constantly hungry, don’t worry. They can lose up to 10 percent of their birth weight in those first couple of days and might be unsettled because they are indeed craving food. The good news is: they are most likely not starving. The milk will come, especially if you keep on breastfeeding. If you are worried about it, ask your midwife or a nurse or doctor for advice and a check-up, as of course there are cases where there is a physical challenge present like your babies cheek muscles not being strong enough to properly suck. But mostly it’s just a matter of a few days and nature has prepared for it. However, it can still catch you off guard, despite knowing about it and thus technically being prepared. It makes you inevitably feel anxious when you fear your baby is hungry.
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